If you don’t speak fluent teenage boy or are sensitive to certain content then here is your warning to tune out of this blog post because it will either have you laughing hysterically or mortified beyond repair. If you’re still reading, please take a moment to swallow any beverage you may be drinking to prevent it from coming out your nose. From the time my children were old enough to talk, we have had a policy of complete honesty and openness. They know that they can talk to me about anything and feel comfortable. This policy extended to my host children as well. I will never regret having this relationship with my kids because I feel it is important for them to never feel afraid to tell me things. It also gives me comfort in knowing that they keep me in the loop of their lives. That being said, I don’t think anyone could ever fully be prepared for some of these conversations.
I was out loading the washing machine last night and Ryan came blasting through the door. “Mom, I was so mad at my friend today” (from here on out this friend will be referred to as X to keep him anonymous). I of course asked him why. The reason he was upset with him doesn’t come till the end of this story and you will likely be as confused as I was throughout but trust me that this story reaches a point. Now brace yourself. His response to me was, “He is the only one of our friends who has nut hair”. Yes…that is exactly what he said. I’m rarely at a loss for words but my jaw had to be hanging open with my eyes bugging out of my head. I said, “And this makes you mad”? He says, “No mom, not that part”. And yes I asked how he knew this and he told me that “X” shared this info with their group of friends in the locker room. He goes on to tell me that following this the other boys decided to pick on “X” about his developing body. So, in Ryan’s words, “X” went home that night and “took the scissors” to the hair. This is why Ryan was mad. Ryan said that he told him he should never let someone else determine who he is and he should be proud of what makes him different. He also told him that he should be proud because that means “he is a man”. I was really proud of Ryan for pointing all of this out to “X” although I have to say that the whole story had me dying because Ryan was so serious about it all and I was doing all I could not to pee my pants laughing.
We have been putting major pressure on Ryan at home to be who he is and embrace what makes him different because he is often bullied for various reasons at school. He is a typical kid in that conforming is the easy thing to do. He wanted to do swim for his winter sport for example and many of the other boys were harassing him and saying that it wasn’t a tough guy sport. He almost decided against it, but we told him that his choice was his and he should choose what he wanted and not let others determine his happiness. If swimming made him happy, then he should swim. I was so happy to hear that he was taking that advice outside of our house and sharing it with his friends and he was clearly able to put it into context in a vastly different situation. In all honesty, it really did make me sad for “X” that he felt that he would have to hide or be ashamed of something that is happening to his body that is completely natural. This is definitely a tough age for these kids and while his manscaping won’t be permanent and no real damage was done physically, I am sure that he is going to be much more self conscious of everything that happens from now on. I know that this boy comes from amazing parents who are very much there for him and I’m guessing by next week the whole thing will be forgotten, but some kids have little to no self confidence and even these little things can be damaging. My point in all of this (other than that I promised some laughs from time to time with this blog) is that I would encourage all parents to have an open dialogue with their kids. Encourage them to feel free to talk to you about anything. Prepare a stiff drink and set it aside because I won’t promise that sometimes you won’t need to chase the conversation with it, but allow these conversations to happen. Present an environment for your kids where they feel comfortable to open up to you without fear of consequence or judgement. I’m not saying that I never insert my opinion or correct them, but it can be done with love and support that doesn’t scare them from coming to you the next time. Trust me, it is a true gift for both you and your child when you can have clear and open communication with each other:)