I had a conversation with a mom friend of mine tonight that left me snickering a bit. We were discussing a situation where I had confronted someone in a dealing with my daughter and I felt that the person was very hard to talk to. I said that I thought that this person really struggled with any form of confrontation or constructive criticism. The mom’s response to me was, “Well Sara, you’re not exactly a gentle flower”. I chuckled when she said that and I have to admit that she isn’t wrong. I was honestly not offended by that comment at all and I absolutely love this friend for being willing to say that to me. I can’t honestly say that I have many friends that would call it like it is so to speak and she has always been one to not beat around the bush with me. I know that many people are intimidated by my personality and probably don’t say what they truly mean to my face. I love that she knows she can be honest with me and it’s not going to affect our friendship.
This conversation didn’t end there though. My son was sitting next to me while her and I had been talking and I heard him snicker when she said that to me. We got home and he was laughing and telling my daughter what had been said. I looked at him and said, “Aww…Ryan….you think I’m a gentle flower though don’t you?” in a sarcastic tone. He looks at me and says, “NO….you’re more like a cactus!”. He was laughing so hard he almost fell out of his chair. I have to admit, it made me laugh pretty hard too. The best part though, is that while my kids would definitely both classify me as much more of a cactus than a gentle flower, they both see it as a good thing. They know that their mom isn’t afraid to speak her mind and stand up for what she feels is right. They know I won’t let others take advantage of me or of them and that I don’t always have to be pleasing and popular amongst the larger group. I am teaching them that it’s ok not to be loved by everyone as long as you are true to yourself.
I thought about being a a cactus in a society that has become so full of gentle flowers because anything and everything offends everyone these days. I decided that when a storm comes, even a mild breeze can destroy a gentle flower, but it takes an awful lot to bring down a cactus. If being a cactus means I am strong and bold and teaching my children to stand firm also, then I rejoice in being a cactus.
I don’t want my kids feeling like they always have to say what is pleasing to the crowd if that is not being true to themselves. I want them to have the strength to say what they feel is right even if it isn’t what is popular. I can’t teach my children these things without being willing to model them myself. The people in my life who know me the best and love me for who I am, respect that with me you don’t get “sugar coated”. I am honest and straight forward. You don’t have to agree with how I feel about something, but you can respect that I am entitled to those feelings. I will in turn give you the same respect. I will not however, walk on eggshells or sacrifice my own values just to keep from rocking the boat.
Some irony with this story that I think applies perfectly is this. A cactus is sharp, yes, and maybe not the prettiest or most appealing of plants but what you see is what you get. There is another plant in nature that is actually quite delicate and beautiful and to the unassuming person would be the kind of flower you would want to take home and put in a vase. It is small and purple with a little yellow in the middle and looks like the most innocent of flowers, but in all actuality it is exactly the opposite. It’s poison is deadly and ingesting only a small amount will leave you lifeless. This flower is called deadly nightshade. What an amazing disguise it has, masquerading as a harmless and innocent little flower. At least the cactus is straight with you. There is no mask. It doesn’t lure you in with false security pretending to be something that it’s not. I don’t know about the rest of you but I prefer surrounding myself with people like the cactus who aren’t afraid to be real and who are proud of who they are and what they stand for. I like knowing up front who someone is instead of being surprised by the poison later. If you are a gentle flower then I apologize that it might not be easy for you to deal with a prickly cactus, but with me what you see is what you get and I am happy with being a little rough around the edges:)
From one cactus to another I love this post and you and your family! Your kids crack me up! I particularly love the last paragraph of this post Sara! Cacti proud!