I have mini-strokes almost daily when entering the school zone and encountering many of the “fashion” statements that are being executed by our kids. As much as I would love to believe that many of these kids are sneaking out of the house and changing or caking on the paint at school, sadly I am afraid that many of the parents are fully aware of their children’s decisions.
As a parent of both a son and daughters I have opinions on both gender’s appearances. First of all, I wish more parents would encourage their children to be as beautiful on the inside as they are concerned with being on the outside. Secondly, can we please teach these children the difference between classy and trashy? I also fully support a child’s right to be an individual, but can someone please explain to me how you are being an individual when you are a disturbing clone of every other child in your immediate friend group?
Boys, my advice is pretty simple because you all tend to “accessorize” much less than your female counterparts. Here it is. Tie your shoes. Wash your hair. Wear deodorant. Pull your pants up. It’s pretty much all that simple. Present yourself as a serious and intelligent young man. You live in a small town and you are not a gangsta or hood rat. Also, respectful girls are not interested in your big pimpin’ attitude. While I get that you are currently a teenage hormone, consider that the girls you are dating are someone’s daughters and you may someday have a daughter of your own. How will you want her to be treated? You also don’t have to follow the crowd to get noticed. A girl worth your time will notice you for being different. She will admire you for being who you are in spite of what is popular. A true and good friend will also be there for you no matter what if they truly care about you and having even just one good friend is so much better than having fifteen fake ones.
Now for you young ladies I have even more concern because it seems that a girl’s reputation is much more easily destroyed than a boy’s and while this is totally unfair it doesn’t change that it’s true. When a boy messes around with several girls or is rumored to have he is often labeled a “stud” amongst his friends. I don’t believe I have ever heard a flattering term used in regards to a girl that has the same reputation. While I will be the first to say it is unfair for a girl to be labeled based on how she dresses, we all know it happens. I know that some of you young ladies enjoy the attention that this may bring from boys, but is this truly the kind of attention that you want? When you are leaving nothing to the imagination, do you really think these boys are interested in you because you are a smart and interesting young lady? You are lessening your value by thinking that you have to dress provocatively to be noticed. I understand the “if you got it, flaunt it” theory because I used to have it and for most of us it definitely doesn’t last forever, but don’t let that be what you’re all about. I was a cute little size four captain of the cheer squad kind of girl when I met my husband in high school and I am so thankful that I didn’t let that be my shining glory because I was so much more than that. I’m certainly not a cute little size four anymore and my husband is still by my side for all of the more important reasons that he fell in love with in the beginning. Be proud to be smart or athletic or musically talented or whatever your thing may be. Don’t dumb down your existence by covering it with so much makeup that it requires a chisel for removal. It’s fine to be proud of your appearance, but just remember that there is so much more to you than that.
I also think that as girls, we need to support each other more. When we are calling each other nasty names and bringing each other down, how can we ever expect to get respect from guys? I have told my daughters many times that the biggest compliments on your looks that you will ever get come from other females because we are so critical of looks in both ourselves and each other.
In regards to the guys, demand respect. Make them wait. If they can’t have an intellectual relationship with you without being extremely physical then do they truly care about who you are as a person? I know it has probably been said to you a million times, but remains just as true each time. If a guy loves you, he loves who you are and not what you do for him physically. Kisses and hugs or holding hands show affection while still setting boundaries that require a relationship built on more. Enjoy those simple gestures of love.
I am not clueless to the fact that we all want to fit in and be the cool kid in our group, but I promise you that once you leave high school none of these things matter. You will likely not stay connected with most of these people and they certainly will not care whether you got prom court or not. I know it can be tough when you don’t feel like you fit in, but I can’t say enough that the people who truly matter love you for exactly those reasons. I can also tell you that we adults that are watching see you as the cool kids and love that you are willing to be who you are in spite of how difficult that can be at this time in your life. Embrace what makes you special and the people who are worth your time will see that:)
Love this post Sara……so very true.